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Clipboard > By the Bar with Boris > Peter Bennardo

I’m catching up with the Vice-President before he runs off to work. Let’s see what he has to say for himself.

Peter Bennardo

Age: 40

Number: 44

Position: Vice-President

Sexual preference: Swinger

 

G’day Pete. Have you ever had a shave?

Yes I shave every fortnight. And every other fortnight I shave my face.

 

Why did you get rid of your rat’s tail?

Cos I turned 40.

What about when you turned 31, 33, 36, 39. You didn’t think of getting rid of it then?

I chopped it off when I stopped playing footy. I was trying to stay young.

 

If you had have known that Matt Macheda was coming to the club and that you would have had that in common with the great man, would you have kept it?

Yeah just to put him to shame cos mine was longer. And so was my rat’s tail.

 

I also wanted to mention that you used to wear number 44 too. Is there something sneaky going on here? Love child, some kind of family connection?

There’s a possibility DNA tests are needed.

 

“The opposition used to think he was a prisoner on day release, he only had a left foot, never seen him kick on his right and has double handed ball drop, very awkward kicking style. Was full-back, used to kick out with little 15 metre chip kicks.” Would this be an accurate description of you as a player?

Only the last 10 years.

Why did you retire so early?

Bad Achilles.

The lack of talent didn’t come into the equation?!

 

I believe you used to go missing when there was a bit of push and shove. Were you the one starting the fights?

Nah they thought I was from jail so they wouldn’t come near me. I never started them.

 

Your brother has exactly the same voice as you. If speaking to him on the phone you cannot split your voices. Have you ever played a practical joke on anyone?

Yes his wife and my partner. We’ve tried to organise a dinner and rendezvous without success. Yet.

 

You work for customs. Ever appeared on border security?

Luckily no. I got close once but the substance that got tested came up negative so the camera crew lost interest.

Have you ever been close to being on it as an employee?

Very funny. I don’t want to be on it, I wouldn’t want to be recognised by the public.

 

What stories were told at your 21st, back in 1961?

I don’t know mate. A bunch of us went through twelve Johnnie walker bottles. There was far too much alcohol. It was a masquerade party and I was a pirate. I sang a song at one stage.

It’s raining men?

Nah, Eagle rock, what a great song.

 

What do you prefer to see the fairer sex in? Lingerie, PJs or in the buff?

Lingerie. Looks good on most women. I get to try it on too.

 

Would you French kiss Peter Lohner for $10?

No.

$20?

No

$50?

No

$100?

There are definitely better guys running around than Peter. And one Peter can’t kiss another Peter. It just doesn’t sound right.

 

What does the colour red remind you of?

Roses, bleeding noses and rubber hoses.

 

What’s your favourite joke? And please don’t repeat that shocker you told at the club a few weeks back.

It’d have to be....

And remember this is a family club.

A boy rides his bike to the corner shop to buy some bread. He approaches the shopkeeper and asks for a loaf of bread. The shopkeeper replies that they only have brown bread. “It’s alright”, says the boy, “My bike’s locked up outside.”

That makes no sense.

That’s the point, it gets people thinking.

 

What’s your favourite line from a movie?

Adriannnnneeeee. From the Rocky movie.

 

DK’s the face of the club and you are the voice, does that mean you only have a face for radio?

Corrrreeect. Good face for radio.

 

Have you become too big for local football? Do you think you have a future in Canberra or at the UN?

I’ve been in Canberra twice and nearly got arrested, so no.

 

What was your favourite club function last year?

The $5,000 draw. Unlike this year I didn’t have to work at 5.30am.

 

You’re a sly character. Are you going to win Thursday 5TH June’s poker tournament?

If I don’t drink I’m a chance. If I do, I’m no chance.

 

Would “Thrilled to bits” be the best description of your feelings about One bar’s new retro room opening?

Couldn’t give an *expletive*.

 

What were you like at high school?

I used to p--- teachers off. In a joking way though.

 

Nunziato, Valastro, Candiloro, Ferraro, Bernardo of course. The list goes on. Why are there so many wogs at this club?

It’s a multicultural area.

 

Dom Vivona interrupts for the third time and tells that he went to a lunch today and got a caricature drawn by WEG which he’s going to frame and put on his wall. I only mention it so he’ll be satisfied and won’t interrupt me in the future.

 

Do you think the Asian chick from hi-5 is hot?

Ooooh yeah. I used to watch it all the time, but then I had children.

 

Ever thought that Rocky Valastro looks Asian when he smiles?

That’s only cos he doesn’t open his eyes. Maybe he’s smoking a pipe and the lights seem bright, I dunno.

 

What’s your least favourite nationality and why?

The Icelandic. Because of that weirdo singer.

Bjork?

Yeah.

What about all the nationalities you see at work? I thought you’d have a weird or wonderful to answer to this one.

Nah they might read this. There are not many Icelandic though so I should be safe.

Well this website is a world wide smash so I don’t blame you for protecting your reputation.

 

Ice cream, gelato or low fat sorbet?

Gelato, it reminds me of Italy.

 

Ever been arrested?

Yes.

Elaborate.

For allegedly throwing fire crackers near an old man in Sicily and nearly giving him a heart attack. My uncle had to give the old man half a lamb to get me released. And can I stress it was allegedly?

 

What’s the first word that comes to your head for these people…?

Peter Inzillo – Dedicated clubman.

Andrew Bouzikas – Advanced hair. Yeah, yeah.

Dom Vivona – Whingeing hard worker.

Vanda – (Steve Anderson chimes in with – dirty man) Magoos captain

 

Speaking of Vanda, have you ever dreamt that you got two women pregnant in the same week, had to break up with your girlfriend to move in with the two women - who you hate and who hate you, then have to provide for those two women and then get back together with your girlfriend when you have two kids with other women?

No, but I know people who have been in that situation.

 

Who’s your favourite spice girl?

Sporty. Cos she’s not scary.

 

Skinniest player would be….?

New ruckman Sam and Zee.

 

Skip the facebook question, you’re too old…

 

Got any lukealikes?

For who?

For you.

As in people who look like me?

YES!

My wife used to think I looked like Agassi.

I think she was being a little optimistic. Did you used to have a mullet like Agassi’s?

Yeah I had a lovely flowing mullet which eventually thinned to a ratty. But she though looked like him once I was bald.

 

Cheers mate. I better let you go to work.

I look forward to reading your edited version. I’m off.

Watch out for the Icelandics!

 

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