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Clipboard > By the Bar with Boris > Peter Bennardo

Iím catching up with the Vice-President before he runs off to work. Letís see what he has to say for himself.

Peter Bennardo

Age: 40

Number: 44

Position: Vice-President

Sexual preference: Swinger

 

Gíday Pete. Have you ever had a shave?

Yes I shave every fortnight. And every other fortnight I shave my face.

 

Why did you get rid of your ratís tail?

Cos I turned 40.

What about when you turned 31, 33, 36, 39. You didnít think of getting rid of it then?

I chopped it off when I stopped playing footy. I was trying to stay young.

 

If you had have known that Matt Macheda was coming to the club and that you would have had that in common with the great man, would you have kept it?

Yeah just to put him to shame cos mine was longer. And so was my ratís tail.

 

I also wanted to mention that you used to wear number 44 too. Is there something sneaky going on here? Love child, some kind of family connection?

Thereís a possibility DNA tests are needed.

 

ďThe opposition used to think he was a prisoner on day release, he only had a left foot, never seen him kick on his right and has double handed ball drop, very awkward kicking style. Was full-back, used to kick out with little 15 metre chip kicks.Ē Would this be an accurate description of you as a player?

Only the last 10 years.

Why did you retire so early?

Bad Achilles.

The lack of talent didnít come into the equation?!

 

I believe you used to go missing when there was a bit of push and shove. Were you the one starting the fights?

Nah they thought I was from jail so they wouldnít come near me. I never started them.

 

Your brother has exactly the same voice as you. If speaking to him on the phone you cannot split your voices. Have you ever played a practical joke on anyone?

Yes his wife and my partner. Weíve tried to organise a dinner and rendezvous without success. Yet.

 

You work for customs. Ever appeared on border security?

Luckily no. I got close once but the substance that got tested came up negative so the camera crew lost interest.

Have you ever been close to being on it as an employee?

Very funny. I donít want to be on it, I wouldnít want to be recognised by the public.

 

What stories were told at your 21st, back in 1961?

I donít know mate. A bunch of us went through twelve Johnnie walker bottles. There was far too much alcohol. It was a masquerade party and I was a pirate. I sang a song at one stage.

Itís raining men?

Nah, Eagle rock, what a great song.

 

What do you prefer to see the fairer sex in? Lingerie, PJs or in the buff?

Lingerie. Looks good on most women. I get to try it on too.

 

Would you French kiss Peter Lohner for $10?

No.

$20?

No

$50?

No

$100?

There are definitely better guys running around than Peter. And one Peter canít kiss another Peter. It just doesnít sound right.

 

What does the colour red remind you of?

Roses, bleeding noses and rubber hoses.

 

Whatís your favourite joke? And please donít repeat that shocker you told at the club a few weeks back.

Itíd have to be....

And remember this is a family club.

A boy rides his bike to the corner shop to buy some bread. He approaches the shopkeeper and asks for a loaf of bread. The shopkeeper replies that they only have brown bread. ďItís alrightĒ, says the boy, ďMy bikeís locked up outside.Ē

That makes no sense.

Thatís the point, it gets people thinking.

 

Whatís your favourite line from a movie?

Adriannnnneeeee. From the Rocky movie.

 

DKís the face of the club and you are the voice, does that mean you only have a face for radio?

Corrrreeect. Good face for radio.

 

Have you become too big for local football? Do you think you have a future in Canberra or at the UN?

Iíve been in Canberra twice and nearly got arrested, so no.

 

What was your favourite club function last year?

The $5,000 draw. Unlike this year I didnít have to work at 5.30am.

 

Youíre a sly character. Are you going to win Thursday 5TH Juneís poker tournament?

If I donít drink Iím a chance. If I do, Iím no chance.

 

Would ďThrilled to bitsĒ be the best description of your feelings about One barís new retro room opening?

Couldnít give an *expletive*.

 

What were you like at high school?

I used to p--- teachers off. In a joking way though.

 

Nunziato, Valastro, Candiloro, Ferraro, Bernardo of course. The list goes on. Why are there so many wogs at this club?

Itís a multicultural area.

 

Dom Vivona interrupts for the third time and tells that he went to a lunch today and got a caricature drawn by WEG which heís going to frame and put on his wall. I only mention it so heíll be satisfied and wonít interrupt me in the future.

 

Do you think the Asian chick from hi-5 is hot?

Ooooh yeah. I used to watch it all the time, but then I had children.

 

Ever thought that Rocky Valastro looks Asian when he smiles?

Thatís only cos he doesnít open his eyes. Maybe heís smoking a pipe and the lights seem bright, I dunno.

 

Whatís your least favourite nationality and why?

The Icelandic. Because of that weirdo singer.

Bjork?

Yeah.

What about all the nationalities you see at work? I thought youíd have a weird or wonderful to answer to this one.

Nah they might read this. There are not many Icelandic though so I should be safe.

Well this website is a world wide smash so I donít blame you for protecting your reputation.

 

Ice cream, gelato or low fat sorbet?

Gelato, it reminds me of Italy.

 

Ever been arrested?

Yes.

Elaborate.

For allegedly throwing fire crackers near an old man in Sicily and nearly giving him a heart attack. My uncle had to give the old man half a lamb to get me released. And can I stress it was allegedly?

 

Whatís the first word that comes to your head for these peopleÖ?

Peter Inzillo Ė Dedicated clubman.

Andrew Bouzikas Ė Advanced hair. Yeah, yeah.

Dom Vivona Ė Whingeing hard worker.

Vanda Ė (Steve Anderson chimes in with Ė dirty man) Magoos captain

 

Speaking of Vanda, have you ever dreamt that you got two women pregnant in the same week, had to break up with your girlfriend to move in with the two women - who you hate and who hate you, then have to provide for those two women and then get back together with your girlfriend when you have two kids with other women?

No, but I know people who have been in that situation.

 

Whoís your favourite spice girl?

Sporty. Cos sheís not scary.

 

Skinniest player would beÖ.?

New ruckman Sam and Zee.

 

Skip the facebook question, youíre too oldÖ

 

Got any lukealikes?

For who?

For you.

As in people who look like me?

YES!

My wife used to think I looked like Agassi.

I think she was being a little optimistic. Did you used to have a mullet like Agassiís?

Yeah I had a lovely flowing mullet which eventually thinned to a ratty. But she though looked like him once I was bald.

 

Cheers mate. I better let you go to work.

I look forward to reading your edited version. Iím off.

Watch out for the Icelandics!

 

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